


Chill

by alphonseelric22



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist - All Media Types
Genre: Breaking Up & Making Up, M/M, Post-Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-14
Updated: 2019-08-14
Packaged: 2020-08-23 09:44:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,361
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20240803
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alphonseelric22/pseuds/alphonseelric22
Summary: The air is freezing but that isn't what's making Roy so cold.





	Chill

**Author's Note:**

> This is for day 2 of RoyEd week, posted at nearly 10 pm because I suck at getting stuff done in a timely manner! :D Once again, I am too lazy to edit so apologies for any mistakes (and I am sure there are some haha).

There's a chill settling in the air as Roy leaves headquarters and it's cool enough that he's had to don the large, black coat and a scarf. He likely wouldn't be quite as cold if he'd left the office on time instead of staying late again. He won't be surprised if Riza starts forcing him out no later than eight if he keeps this up. He can't help it. The emptiness of the office is slightly better than the emptiness of his home and at least the seemingly endless paperwork is a good distraction. Being left alone with his thoughts and his liquor cabinet has been doing him no favors. Better he get more work done than sulk and drink. He wonders which she would chastise him for more and decides he's better off not knowing.

Roy would also be warmer if he'd taken a car but the walk helps to wear him out. By the time he makes it home he's too exhausted by the late hour to do much more than change into pajamas and pass out in his bed. It's better this way. He can't think about him if his mind is too wiped out. He can't mourn all he has lost and all he had and think of all the ways it went wrong and what he could've done to stop it. He can't mull over his own mistakes and beat himself to hell for all he didn't do and the ways he fell short and wasn't enough. It's better this way. He has to believe it. He doesn't have a choice.

He's halfway home when he decides to slip his gloves on, not that they'll do much good at this point since his fingers have already gone numb. With any luck his stupid, sentimental heart will go numb soon. It's too bad it had known warmth for so long. Now, Roy can't seem to make the damn thing move on and go back to business as usual.

It's Ed's fault, as so many things usually are. Well, more accurately, it's probably his fault but he still doesn't know what he did or said to drive him away. His dumb heart needs someone to blame. Roy had given him an out in the beginning of it all. He'd told him he could leave if he ever felt he had to, if he ever felt he wasn't getting what he needed from their relationship. Roy had just never expected to him to actually go. He should have known better, of course.

Ed is a nomad and has been since he was a child. Six months in Roy's home wasn't going to be enough to change that and he should have known. Roy should have seen the signs, but he was too blissful to notice. For once, he was too content to think anything could go awry. He'd always planned for contingencies and prepared himself for the worst possible outcomes he could imagine. It was what he did, both for a living and in his personal life and he'd finally managed to let go and turn that off for once. It had landed him with an empty home, a cold bed, and heartache. When is he going to learn?

As he approaches his home, Roy sees a figure crouched on the top step in front of the door. He's too far to make out who it is but he knows lock picking when he sees it. Whoever it is did not think their plan through very well. He slowly and quietly makes his way down the road and then over to his driveway. It's Ed, hands working at the lock and breath coming out of his mouth in a cloud. The tip of his nose is pink with the cold and his shoulders are shaking a bit. Roy almost can't believe his eyes.

“You could have called,” he says as he reaches the bottom step and Ed whirls around so fast that he falls on his ass.

“You scared the shit out of me,” Ed says. He hauls himself up from the step and winces. He's balancing his weight on his right leg, a sure sign that the cold is making the port on his leg ache. “I tried waiting but I guess you like to work real late now and it's fucking cold.”

Roy gets his keys from his pocket and slips one into the lock. “Again, you could have called.” Roy notes that he should feel happy to see him but he can still only feel cold and hollowed out. “How long have you been out here?”

“Couple hours,” he says as he stuffs his hands into his pockets in an attempt to warm them up. Now that Roy's closer to him he can see that his cheeks and ears are pink to match his nose. He looks adorable. “Since when are you so married to your work that you stay until after midnight?”

_Since you left._ Roy gets the door open and pockets his keys. “I'm doing far more important things than I was before and elections are growing ever closer. I need to keep a good image.” It's not a good excuse but it's all he's got.

Ed snorts as he shuts the door then kicks his boots off. “Shit, anyone with half a brain knows to vote for you. Like hell you need to work yourself to death for that.”

Roy hangs his scarf and his coat on a nearby rack, then does the same with Ed's after he throws it over the back of the armchair. “If I remember correctly, you would frequently stay up for several nights at a stretch because of a hypothesis.”

“Can't interrupt a brain wave when it hits, Mustang,” Ed says, grinning and bright and beautiful. Roy is getting too old for all of this.

“Would you like something to drink?”

“You got any coffee?” Ed asks as another shiver rolls over him.

“Of course,” he says. Roy goes first to the fireplace, leaning down on one knee to load in fresh logs before pulling on one ignition glove, clapping, then snapping. The fire catches on the logs and he stands. “Warm yourself up. Alphonse would kill me if you lost any fingers.”

“Nah,” Ed says and sits himself in front of the fireplace. “He'd just chalk it up to me being a dumbass and call it a day.”

Roy manages a small smile before going to the kitchen. “Your brother is a saint.”

“Damn right,” Ed says and even though Roy can't see him he knows he's grinning again.

Roy busies himself with making the coffee but it isn't enough to keep his mind away from the young man in his living room. He hasn't seen him in nearly three months. He'd expected to be happier, maybe gather him up in his arms and go on about how much he'd missed him until Ed tried to wriggle free. He'd expected to feel the warmth spreading in his chest again and feel himself drawn to the younger man. He had no way of knowing he'd just go on feeling like there was a lump of ice in his chest. Maybe it's a defense, his heart's way of protecting itself from the hurt when he leaves again.

He will leave again. Roy is sure of that. Ed has spent his life moving from place to place, only stopping long enough to make a few new friends and right some wrongs. He leaves as quickly as he came. Roy wants to ask how long he'll be staying but he's not sure he wants to know. It may be easier to take without being able to count the days and hours until he is gone once more. Does he have even the faintest idea what he's doing to him? Ed isn't the most socially adept but he's not stupid by any means. He must know how much this hurts.

Roy gets two mugs from the cabinet and fills them before returning to the living room. Ed is sprawled out on the couch now, watching the fire dance in the hearth. He turns and smiles when he hears Roy approaching and Roy holds the mug out for him. Ed grabs it with his right hand, winces, then reorients it so the handle is in his left hand.

“You think I'd remember that this one isn't metal anymore,” he says.

“I hope it tastes all right,” Roy says.

Ed blows on the surface of the coffee then sips it. “Perfect. Can't believe you still remember how I like it.”

Roy remembers a lot of things. He sits on the couch and sips from his own mug. “I just pour in far too much sugar and hold the milk.”

Ed smiles, drinks a little more, then shifts to face him. “How's the team doing?”

Roy smiles. “The same as always, save for Riza preparing to move to her own office. She'll have her own team within two weeks.”

“I thought she'd always just stay on yours so she could menace you with her gun when you miss a deadline.”

“I suppose I had to be cut loose from her sooner or later. She can't babysit me forever and I wouldn't want her to feel she has to. We'll still see each other, of course. It'll just be in a different capacity.”

“How are you?” Ed asks.

“I'm fine,” Roy says and buries all the other things he wants to say in the rim of his coffee mug.

They're both silent for a little while, the fire crackling and their breathing the only sounds in the room. He won't look at him, he won't ask how he's been, he won't let it get any farther than this. Is this really all they are now? Former superior and subordinate and nothing more? Roy had hoped they'd never get to a point where talking became difficult. Despite all that had happened between them, he still loved Ed.

“I know,” Ed says and he's quiet as he leans forward to set his mug on the table, “that fine really means that you feel like shit but you don't want to talk about it. I've been there, Roy and... I can't blame you. I just up and left, said I had to get out and did. I wouldn't blame you if you were pissed off.”

“I'm not angry,” he says. “I am a bit confused and more than a bit glad to see you're safe.”

“I know it doesn't fix a damn thing, but I'm sorry. I should have explained but I didn't and I don't have an excuse.”

“It's all right.”

“No, it's not fucking all right, Roy,” Ed says.

Roy looks at him and takes in the way his jaw is set and his eyes look sort of pained and how he's angled his whole body to face Roy's. “What do you want me to say?”

“I don't know!” Ed says and he's throwing his hands in the air. “Get angry, tell me to get the fuck out of your house, say _something_. Don't sit here and tell me you're fine and it's all right that I fucking left you here alone.”

Roy sighs and sets his mug next to Ed's. “Nothing I say is going to change what has happened and what will happen.”

“And what's gonna happen next?”

“I assume,” Roy says and it takes a great deal of control to keep his voice steady, “you'll be off somewhere new soon enough.”

“I'm not goin' anywhere unless you want me to,” Ed says. Roy wants to protest, because he certainly didn't want him to leave the last time and he did regardless, but there's something in Ed's voice and the way he's looking at Roy that tells him he's sincere.

Roy draws in a shaky breath as he slowly raises his hand to brush Ed's bangs back out of his face. “I _never_ wanted you to leave.”

“I know,” Ed says and the way he leans into the soft touch of Roy's fingers makes Roy want to hold him for the rest of their lives. “I'm sorry, for what it's worth. Shit, coming from me it's probably worth nothing.”

“Coming from you,” Roy says, voice soft as his thumb settles on Ed's cheekbone, “it's worth quite a bit.”

Ed smiles. “You always were a smooth talker.”

“I do have one question,” Roy says. “Why did you come back? The smartest thing would have been to stay away.”

“Stop talkin' like you aren't good enough. You're more than good enough. I came back,” he says, taking hold of Roy's wrist with one hand and a fistful of his shirt with the other, “ 'cause I realized I belong here. This is home and I wanna stay this time. God, I can't believe I was stupid enough to walk away from Roy Mustang.”

“Why did you want to leave, if you don't mind me asking?”

“I dunno. I just felt like I had to go, I guess. I was getting sort of antsy, like I needed to go somewhere immediately and do something or I was gonna go crazy. I think... I think I was scared,” Ed says.

“Scared of what?”

“You wanting me to leave. It's stupid, I know, but... you could have anyone you wanted. Why the hell would you want to stay with my sorry ass?”

“I happen to be quite fond of your ass,” Roy says and smiles when Ed scrunches his nose and laughs softly. “To answer your question, because I love you. You make me happy in ways I never thought I could be and never thought I deserved. You are one of the best human beings I have ever had the pleasure of knowing and anyone with two eyes can see how breathtaking you are. I want you, plain and simple.”

Ed swallows hard and searches his eyes for a moment, likely looking for the lie where there isn't one, before using his grip on Roy's shirt to haul him down into a short, somewhat sloppy kiss. “Love you too, Roy.”


End file.
